Have you ever asked ChatGPT if it’s weird that you are worried to go into Costco with your port showing? I have. I asked Chat last week and it reassured me what the logical part of of my brain already knew. Nobody is staring and nobody cares. So, we went last week to Costco with no incidents. Today was a different story. It’s 100 degrees out today and I wore a tank top and shorts. You can see the port under my skin and my steristrips haven’t fallen off yet. I can’t rip them off or it will tear the scabs. It makes the port a bit more noticeable but I wasn’t caring anymore. It’s hot, I have a right to not overheat just like everyone else.

We went down an aisle, and a woman was very obviously staring at me. I thought maybe it was in my head. We went to the next aisle and there she was again; I told David to watch because I needed to make sure I wasn’t being paranoid. He saw it. She stared again.

I didn’t stare back. Didn’t say anything. I feel like I would have a while ago, but I am still so new to this whole journey that I probably would have started crying.

What that lady doesn’t know is just this morning I was staring at my naked body after the shower and it just doesn’t look like my body anymore. It makes me cry all on its own. I have 5 large scars from my major surgery and 2 from my port surgery. Two scars are healing weird where the skin doesn’t sit right anymore. My body won’t be the same ever again. I don’t need someone to stare at me to know my body doesn’t look the same.

Another thing that lady doesn’t know is that while my body doesn’t look the same, these scars saved my life and are still saving my life. I am grateful for them. I am grateful for the doctor that gave them to me because I am alive.

She can stare, but I know I am alive and fighting. Just be nice people, dont stare at what you dont know.