Today I go in to get de-accessed. This round was better on me, I think. Probably because they gave me more and more meds to take to help with the side effects.

Sunday, the day after halloween was hard on me. I was looking through pictures of the night and saw a picture of me walking with Evan and you could see a bald patch on the back of my head. I zoomed in to make sure I was seeing what I was seeing and its there. I immediately took my hair down and took a picture of my head. It’s true, I have bald patches. Losing hair has been hard on me, Ive written about it before but it shook me harder this time. I’ve always had so much hair and it’s always been so good to me with all the bleaching I have done to it, but now it’s leaving and I can’t control it.

David and I went on a 4 mile walk after the tears went away. He let me just work through the emotions and cry. During our walk we talked about moving to a house of our own. He wants to be in a house that in case the worst thing happens and I am no longer here, the family has a place that is ours and can retreat to during hard times and they have the memory of me being there forever. These kinds of talks never were in our conversations prior to August. It’s not something anyone thinks of daily.

Monday, I got good news! I needed it going into round 6. I posted on social media already but can explain it a bit more. I had a blood draw in September and cancer was present in my blood. Ive read that the kind of cancer I had (I don’t give it power by saying I have it now) shows in small amounts in the blood so my level was low. But the last blood draw shows NO CANCER IN MY BLOOD. I was balling and jumping up and down! It rejuvenated me and gave me the strength to go into chemo with no tears!

If you haven’t spent a day in an infusion room with people getting chemo treatments, you are a lucky one. But for those of us who have, you talk to the other people in the room. They are amazing. Their stories, their fight, their loses, their life. All of it is wonderful. It’s so hard to see these wonderful people fighting for their lives. Everyone of us in there are fighting a fight we don’t want to battle. People come in different each time, shaved their head, look more tired, have a side effect while they are in there. They are all beautiful. I sat and watched a few of them and I wish I had my good camera, because I would love to take their pictures. There is a beauty in that room that not a lot of people can see. The human fight. Also the nurses, they are amazing. If you know an infusion nurse, tell them how wonderful they are. It’s a hard job.

Maybe I will get the nerve to ask If I can take pictures, but I don’t want to be invasive to people during a delicate time in their lives. I just wish I could tell them how beautiful they all are without sounding patronizing.

Anyway, today is a good day, it’s beautiful here in Texas and cooling down so we can be outside more. We have a colon cancer awareness walk the tribe is doing (minus a couple) Saturday and I can’t wait. This cough needs to go away but other than that life is good. And I am here and I am fighting. Fuck Cancer.

The picture that started the tears, its not a huge bald patch but it’s enough I won’t have my hair down again.

My bald spots. Be kind, it’s hard posting this picture but want be transparent with all the hard and good.

Our trick or treaters.