I 100% Do not recommend chemo and a cold. I had my 5th round last Tuesday and Wednesday I came down with a cold, low grade fever, sinuses, leg aches, cough, all while battling the chemo side effects. I’m still battling the cough but I am feeling better all around. I skipped two iron infusions because of the cold, I need them but I just didn’t have the energy. Also, one was this week and I hate going to the oncologist on a good week, the thought of going to the office makes my stomach turn.

Side effects this round were fun. Still some intense nausea, they prescribed me some more steroids to take at home for four days, but I just don’t want more. I didn’t take them. I suffered through it. Im already on four medications daily and I hate taking them as it is.

My hair is getting pretty thin. Each time I wash it more and more comes out. Brushing it now brings a whole new amount of loss in my hair brush. I have always had such thick hair and I love it, I just don’t want it to thin out anymore. I can’t control it and it pisses me off.

I got the mouth sores that come along with chemo. They hurt bad. Makes eating difficult. The inside of my lips feel torn up. Like sunburnt mixed with eating the sharpest big bag of chips. They told us about this in our chemo class, but I didn’t think it would happen to me. I was wrong. I remember they suggested gargling salt water but I don’t think I have done it enough because it doesn’t help. I tried oragel but that stung so much I had to wash it off fast. Other people who have had these from chemo, any suggestions?

Mentally, I have struggled a few days off and on. Death has crept its way into my mind and I have to fight the thoughts off. It’s an ongoing battle. Looking at the beautiful sunset or clouds just reminds me how much I love living and then it creeps in and I struggle to keep it out.

We went to the pumpkin patch a couple weekend ago and while Zanna took one for the team and took the little kids on a couple rides, a few of us sat and waited for them. It was a nice break for me. I leaned on Val’s stroller and just closed my eyes. I could hear David, Evan, and Cody chatting and all the people around us having conversations, giggles of the kids on rides, etc. It was such a peacefully loud moment that reminded me again, how much I love life. How much I love people. How much I love my people. How much I need to fight. I posted the pics on my social media and the caption was My why, the reason I fight. Something to that effect.

I just love life. I love living. The good and the bad.