I figure its time to post my version of what lead up to my cancer diagnosis, my surgeries, and everything in between.

Back in January of this year when I would drink my coffee I would feel a pain in my stomach area, have to go the bathroom quickly and then it would go away. It started to happen more frequently every time I had coffee. I thought the coffee was just acting as a quick laxative. Then the pain started getting worse. The pain was in my upper abdomen and it started getting intense. Stabbing pain consistently throughout the day for a couple months.

March 8th, unfortunately David’s birthday, I woke up with the worst pain I ever had up to the point. I decided it was time to go to the emergency room. I am not one to go the doctor unless something is really bad. I don’t like taking medications, and I feel like I am pretty healthy and in good shape, so something was really bad if I needed to go in.

The doctor was useless. He diagnosed me with acid reflux. They did no testing, just said it was acid. In hindsight, I wish I had pushed for testing or something more than just acid reflux, which I never had heartburn, just pain. With no health insurance though, we felt like our options were limited. So there we were, a prescription for an antacid and a $5000 bill for nothing.

I took the antacid, but it didn’t work at all. The pain was still there. I did some research and found other people with H Pylori symptoms that mirrored mine. I knew that’s what I had. I vividly remember texting with Zanna about it and we were both like, it could be that but that’s scary because it can cause cancer. Ha!

I switched myself to a lot of bland foods, chicken noodle soup, and broth. Oh, and lots of bread, trying everything we could to limit the pain. At one point I even thought I was drinking too much Propel and that was causing my pain. I had taken a GLP1 for a bit and thought that caused my pain and I screwed up my digestive track forever. I was searching for any solution.

We moved to Texas in May, both boys moved with us and Cody and Zanna were to come later. Looking back, the boys coming with us earlier was a God send because I needed the help and didnt know it at the time.

The beginning of June I went to the doctor for a full check up. Yay for insurance. I think it had been over 7 years since I had a full check up. I talked to her about my stomach pain and she wanted me to do the H pylori test, get a colonoscopy because I am 46 and also an endoscopy because of the upper stomach pain. She did a full blood work up and noted “some anemia to watch out for.”

I should add that when I would go to the bathroom it would hurt down low. I just thought it was my ovary and possibly a cyst as I have gotten those since I was 13. Looking back last year, I do remember one time going to the bathroom and there being blood but I didn’t think anything of it because I was so healthy. Never dismiss that ever if you see it! Other than the pain and the one time in the bathroom, I didn’t have any other symptoms.

The H pylori test came back positive and let me tell you, getting the triple pack medication was a chore in itself. Most pharmacies don’t stock the meds required. So dealt with that while still in pain. But got on them.

David left for a work trip late June and either the meds, or the tumors we didn’t know about then, made me so sick. I threw up in the sink so violently that I peed my pants, Like all over the floor. Not my finest moment but another sign that something was really wrong.

June, I think the 23rd, while David was still away, I was in such intense pain that I called Cayden in the middle of the night to take me to the emergency room. Evan stayed with the twins. We were in the emergency room for a few hours, they did an ultrasound on my gall bladder and pancreas, which I knew was not the issue so of course nothing came of the visit except getting some of our deductible met.

July 2nd, I will still in so much pain that we went to the emergency room again, this time David was with me. I might add that morning my stool was super dark, not like I had seen before. They tested it for blood and came back negative. This was the first doctor to order a CT scan. You could see he was worried about the results, but all he would tell us was to make sure I get my colonoscopy. He said it a few times, so it stuck in our heads for a while. Why was he so worried? Looking back now they probably saw the tumors but didnt tell me about them.

My colonoscopy was July 16th, I did the whole prep the night before and it was awful. I was in the bathroom so much it’s not even funny. If you haven’t done the prep, be prepared to be on the toilet the whole night.

Colonoscopy day – I was put to sleep and before I knew it I was in the recovery room and David was there. The doctor came in and said good news is no polyps, bad new is they found a mass in my colon. He thought it would be the one mass and it would be easy to get out. He listed off a couple names of doctors which I couldn’t understand but now I know they were my surgeon and my oncologist. Again, looking back he had to have known it was cancer but he didn’t say. I wish I had known what I know now and to ask more questions. He said they did do a biopsy and sent it off for testing. Actually, he said he gave the mass a tattoo so the surgeon could find it easily. Ha, little did he know there would be more and they were easy to find.

The wait between my colonoscopy and the results was tough. One day the kids and I were coming in the house and my phone rang. Caller id said Texas Oncology. My heart sank. The poor girl on the phone was trying to get me scheduled for a consultation but I was so confused because nobody had said it was cancer at that point. I was shook. I knew then it was cancer without anyone telling me. I could feel it. Something about it changed everything.

The next day my GI doctor called me to update me on my biopsy. I was calm. I already knew. He said they did find cancer cells in the mass. He never actually said the words people say they hear, “You have cancer.” I now appreciate that because I am never taking ownership of the cancer that was in my body. He is a good doctor, sat on the phone with me for as long as I needed and answered all my question. I didn’t cry at all. I think I was in shock or ready to battle, I’m not sure.

David literally came home as I was on the phone with the doctor. He was surprised when I told him it was cancer. He said the way I was talking to the doctor he thought it would be good news.

The next few conversations were the hardest. Immediately after, we had to walk out and tell Evan and the twins their mom was diagnosed with cancer. Then my mom, Zanna, Jackie, and finally my first born, who was at work the whole time, Cayden. Everybody reacted differently. I don’t think there is a right way to react to that kind of news. It makes me cry now, my kids should never have to deal with this. The twins childhood should not include chemo for their mom. My mom should never have to see her daughter in pain and scared. My husband shouldn’t ever have to fear losing his person.

I met with the oncologist on the 27th of July and he took a bunch of blood. During all this time, I was so exhausted. I could barely walk up the stairs to Caydens apartment, David would literally have to help me get up the stairs. Found out I was severely anemic, needed iron and my blood count was very low and need my first ever blood transfusion. My oncologist told me during chemo round 5 that my iron was actually the lowest he had seen when I first started.

Wednesday, July 29th I drove myself to the hospital for a blood transfusion. I posted about it on Facebook, but it was an experience all in itself.

Friday, July 31st David and I met with the surgeon. He was pretty sure all my pain was from the mass. He wanted me in surgery fast. So fast that he literally walked into his scheduler and said what do we have open on Monday. If I remember correctly she moved something around but got me scheduled. I had a nasty prep to do again like the colonoscopy but it also included shower instructions for the night before and the morning of.

August 2nd – We were at home getting ready for me to go to surgery the next day. Relaxing, making sure the kids had everything they needed. My mom was here because she was going to stay with the kids while I was in the hospital. I remember sitting on the couch and the front door opened. I thought it was Cayden getting off work early and coming to hang out with me. No, it was Zanna. She and Lincoln flew in from Washington and surprised me. It was a moment that will be forever burned in my brain. My bestie made it to be with us during the scariest time in my life, She will never know how much that meant to me.

August 3rd was the day that changed all of our lives forever. David and I sat in the waiting room watching people. I had another nasty drink I had to inhale during a specific time frame. Time moved so slowly while we were in there. Eventually we got taken back to pre-op by a nurse that was so amazing. Actually every nurse I had at the hospital was amazing. They were all put in our path for a reason and I will forever remember them. Each one couldn’t believe our story of how we got there and now being told it was cancer.

I remember when the surgeon came in prior to surgery to talk to us about what his plan was, I kept looking at his scrub cap. It was sharks. And if you know Piper that is her favorite animal. I told him I had a really good feeling about the surgery because he picked that cap to wear on that day. I believe in little things like that and it definitely put me at ease. (I still feel that it was a good feeling, even with the diagnosis, because he saved my life.)

They wheeled me back and I remember the anesthesiologist giving me meds to make me drowsy and then I was out.

Waking up, I just had the urge to hold someone’s hand. I was so loopy I had no idea who she was but she held my hand. She gave me such comfort and just held my hand as long as she could. Nurses are very special people.

While I was in recovery David and my mom met with the surgeon. The image of them sitting in a room being told the person they love has stage 4 colon cancer absolutely demolishes me. The surgeon found 4 tumors in my colon and removed a foot of my colon. He also found one tumor in my peritoneum and removed 33 lymph nodes. That made me stage 4. My mom and David will have to do a blog post of their meeting with the surgeon to give their experience.

The surgeon did come in and talk to me once I was in my room. He told me the same thing, stage 4, five tumors, etc. He said he was shook up from the surgery. He didn’t say why but now we know that because statistics say five years is the time I would have left. I bluntly asked him how much time and he said five years or until I give up. I asked if I would make it 20 and he said most likely not. There is nothing that can prepare you for that. Absolutely nothing. My mom and David were in the room and I could see the tears. They already knew.

I just thought of my babies. All the things I would miss out on in their lives. I’m too young. 46 is way too young. My husband living life without me. My mom seeing her daughter go before her is wrong. None of it made any sense to me.

Recovery took some time but I got up and walked in the hospital as much as I could. The Friday after, literally 4 days after my surgery I went back to the oncologist for iron. I cried in the lobby because I was having some wheezing in my lungs and I was so lost I didn’t know what doctor to call. Do I call my normal doctor, my surgeon, the oncologist? The world of cancer is overwhelming and very confusing. Luckily, I was placed in a great oncologist office and they checked me out and took care of me.

So that’s how we got to where we are. A year journey really. Every person that was put in our path had a purpose to teach me something. I have learned so much about people in the last year. I love humanity, even when it feels like it’s out to get you. People are amazing.

P.S. About two weeks after my surgery the twins wanted to ride their electric bikes and wanted me to go with them. I figured I could do it, I was up moving around pretty good and not much pain. We went for a ride and the sun was shining bright and beautiful as it does in Texas. There was a moment I was behind them and soaking up the sun and something came over me. Like a rush. All I could hear was, “I’m a survivor” over and over again. I could feel it. Down to my bones. Some will think it’s crazy but just as I knew there was cancer in my body, I knew I was a survivor. And its stayed true ever since. I’m a survivor and will continue to be one.

Fuck cancer!

David and I leaving for the hospital on August 3rd. This picture means so much to me.